


The legendary janitor of Hyrule

by SpaceMalarkey



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, Janitor Link, god I hate and love this, making the stupidest AU from a single picture, shitpost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:34:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22162630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceMalarkey/pseuds/SpaceMalarkey
Summary: AU where Link is a janitor (because of the mop you can use in botw) and Zelda is confused
Comments: 10
Kudos: 95





	The legendary janitor of Hyrule

When he woke up, he had the odd sensation of tingling in his fingertips. The strange feeling that he was destined to do something, as if he was possessed by the gods themselves. It should have been alarming, that this feeling came to a simple man living in Hateno Village, far away from the heart of the Calamity and the despair of Hyrule. And yet, maybe he wasn’t so simple after all. His soul sung as he grabbed his weapon of choice, every inch of him feeling that this was  _ right _ . He stepped out of the safety of his home, making sure Bolson watched over the house, for he would be gone a long time. 

Divine purpose will take the time it will, and demand utter devotion of its subjects. As the boy made his way past the monsters by the road, and climbed up the Duelling Peaks, his mind filled with determination. Link stared down the hot pink blur that was the Calamity and uttered one single sentence. 

"I clean now."

Long had the swirling pink mass annoyed him. So dirty. Filthy and unclean. That wouldn’t do. He was made to clean things, and clean he shall. The mechanical spiders were no better in his mind. Stupid things that complicated matters more than needed, and added more filth to the place. He stared at the remains of Castle Town, once a city filled with life and beauty. Once a place filled with people, only to be completely destroyed, several thousands dying in the blink of an eye. 

All that god damn dirt. 

"This won’t do," Link grunted, grabbing his mop. There was a menacing beep to his right. A guardian taking careful aim. The small hylian stared at it with contemplation, before uttering the phrase that would soon spell doom upon the malice infested heap of metal. "I clean now."

Zelda could barely feel the world anymore. Her powers fading slowly with time, as she struggled to keep the calamity at bay. And for what? A hero to save her? The blade of evil’s bane had never claimed a master. It was just her and the champions, doomed to fight a losing battle. 

She shook her head, or at least she thought she did. Zelda had a hard time understanding what her form was now. Was she part of the calamity as well? Was she stuck in an unfeeling body inside the swirls of malice? She did not know. 

Soon her power would fade, and she would have her answer. She would truly die, and the world would burn with her death. 

Just as Zelda was about to give in to despair, she felt something. Something new. 

The calamity was reeling, screaming and throwing its body around. She could feel parts of the calamity being ripped away from its main body, and disappear completely. Someone was there! Someone was destroying this monster! How was that possible? Had the hero come after all these years? 

Zelda did not have any power left to help them, but she soon found it was unneeded. 

Link stared at the streets, finally clean from his efforts. It already looked ready for reconstruction, he noted. Good. Bolson would be happy to have a project this big. His adoptive father needed something to really work on, so that he would be remembered in history as the man who reconstructed Castle Town. 

The boy looked up the path leading to the castle. Malice swirled and sparked, like little lights in the dark. No, in absolute dirt, Link thought. And that wont do. 

After cleaning the entire pathway, every single gate house and every single cobblestone, every single room hidden in the cliffs, he finally reached the sanctum. The heart of the filth that had annoyed him ever since he was born. Defiant, he stepped into the throne room, glaring at the giant cocoon that held the prime evil of the world. A scream of rage filled the room, and several manifestations of the calamity appeared, moments away from snuffing out the only other life in this massive castle. 

Link glared at the disgusting forms, dripping with goop and what he could only imagine. 

“I clean now.” 

There was sunlight on her face. She hadn’t felt anything in so long. Slowly she opened her eyes to take in sight for the first time in a century. Green, blue. Endless plains and mountains in the distance. White, puffy clouds overhead. No sign of the malice anywhere she turned her head. 

Purity.

A cough came from behind, and she turned to look at a small hylian, just a bit shorter than she was. Yet, somehow he looked to be around her age. This must be him, she thought, and steeled herself. She would have to give a speech of some kind, or a declaration. 

"Thank you hero," she began, but was stopped before she could continue. 

The boy held out his hand, impatiently waiting for something. 

"I clean," he said. "You pay now."

_ Oh.  _

"Y-yes of course, thank you," Zelda managed to stutter, as she handed him a couple of silver rupees. The boy nodded, and turned to leave. 

"Wait!" she grabbed his wrist, stopping him in his tracks. "What about the Divine Beasts?" she asked, desperate to free her kingdom at any costs. 

He gave her a questioning look, to which she pointed at the four Divine beasts, still being controlled by remnants of malice. 

The boy looked back at her with a contemplative glint in his eyes. 

"I clean, you pay?" he asked. 

"Yes, I'll pay for your services."

He smiled. 

"I clean now."


End file.
